It can be debilitating, crippling, and isolating, moving around in the dream and feeling others' pain as if it's your own.

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I struggled with this for years. Not only would I feel others unresolved emotional pain and traumas but also their physical pain. It would feel like it was cutting straight through me and leave me reeling. It shut me off from others and perpetuated fear.

I had had enough. So when I reached Chapter 16, The Forgiveness of Illusions True Empathy, there was a light bulb moment. I sat with the Course Book in my hands, got really quiet, and called out to the Holy Spirit and asked for help.

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"I don't want to be feeling others' pain and suffering, Holy Spirit. Help me, please help me, take this capacity for deep Empathy and use it. I will give it to you. Show me how to be truly helpful."

Following this, there was a significant shift in how I was experiencing others. For example, if someone were sharing a sad traumatic story, the Holy Spirit would turn down the volume of their voice as I experienced the light shining through their eyes. The Holy Spirit guided me to bless, extend blessings, and love silently. There was nothing I needed to say.
By being very quiet, present, listening, and extending blessings, the other person appeared very happy, and the joining ended in lightness, hugs, and laughter.
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Learning to be Truly Helpful is at the heart of practicing True Empathy.

We must allow ourselves to be taught by the Holy Spirit how to be truly helpful. Because we do not know what the best interests of others are. Although, our ego will try and tell us differently. It may say things such as;

"They just really need to get out of that toxic relationship."

"They need to eat more red meat, and their health will improve."

"They need to get out and socialize more, and they would be much happier."

"I can't be around that person; they are too negative. If only they would be more positive, we could be friends."
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These are all ego judgments based on experiences, memories, and beliefs because we only ever see the past.

Your thoughts have no meaning except the thoughts you think with God.

You do not perceive your own best interests, so how could you perceive the best interests of another? You do not know what anything is for, so how can you help another who appears to be suffering in your way?

Suppose you listen to the voice of your ego. In that case, you will join in suffering, solidifying a special relationship and the belief in separation. You have yet to learn what they need or how to help them. So what to do?

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Jesus advises this:

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"Your part is only to remember this; you do not want anything you value to come of a relationship. You choose neither to hurt it nor to heal it in your own way. You do not know what healing is. All you have learned of empathy is from the past. And there is nothing from the past that you would share, for there is nothing from the past that you would keep. Do not use empathy to make the past real, and so perpetuate it. Step gently aside, and let healing be done for you. Keep but one thought in mind and do not lose sight of it, however tempted you may be to judge any situation, and to determine your response by judging it.

Focus your mind only on this:

I am not alone, and I would not intrude the past upon my Guest.
I have invited Him, and He is here.
I need do nothing except not to interfere."

(T-16.I.3)

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Jesus states, "You do not know what healing is; all you have learned of empathy is from the past." The healing that you think is not healing at all. It's quite the opposite. Because you are only ever seeing the past, you can't rely on the ego's suggestions and prompts on how to be helpful.

The ego wants you to believe you are responsible and guilty for a loved one's pain, creating more pain and suffering. These painful feelings of responsibility and guilt are pushed out of awareness to keep you locked further into false Empathy.

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"Do not use empathy to make the past real, and so perpetuate it."

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When you use the ego's form of Empathy, you strengthen the past, reinforcing illusions.

"To empathize does not mean to join in suffering, for that is what you must refuse to understand.

That is the ego's interpretation of empathy, and is always used to form a special relationship in which the suffering is shared. The capacity to empathize is very useful to the Holy Spirit, provided you let Him use it in His way. His way is very different. He does not understand suffering, and would have you teach it is not understandable.
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When He relates through you, He does not relate through your ego to another ego. He does not join in pain, understanding that healing pain is not accomplished by delusional attempts to enter into it, and lighten it by sharing the delusion."

(T-16.I.1)
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"The clearest proof that empathy as the ego uses it is destructive lies in the fact that it is applied only to certain types of problems and in certain people. These it selects out, and joins with. And it never joins except to strengthen itself"

(T-16.I.2:1)
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The ego's use of Empathy only applies to a select few "special" forms.

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For example, you may feel deep Empathy for neglected dogs and want to rescue and save dogs but then have no feelings about child abuse or the cutting down of trees. You have made a unique selection to choose only to join in the pain and suffering of dogs. But what about all the other pain and suffering in the world?

"You do not know what empathizing means. Yet of this you may be sure; if you will merely sit quietly by and let the Holy Spirit relate through you, you will empathize with strength, and will gain in strength and not in weakness."

(T-16.I.2:6)

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Suppose you stop yourself from going into the default of joining in with another's suffering and instead get very quiet and ask for help from the Holy Spirit on how to be Truly Helpful. In that case, the Holy Spirit will give you the words to say and show you what actions to take.

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The Holy Spirit will guide you, and peace will flood your mind.

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Your mind will become quiet and spacious, and the Holy Spirit will take over.

You need do nothing except not to interfere.

"Ask Him very specifically:
What would You have me do?
Where would You have me go?
What would You have me say, and to whom?"

(W-71.9:3-5)

A Course in Miracles

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© Copyright 2024 Dakini Wild

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A Course In Miracles presents profound teachings, and it's completely normal to face challenges along the way. If you find yourself needing support, healing or guidance, don’t hesitate to book a one-on-one session with Dakini. To find out more click here.